Friday, February 21, 2025

Feb.21, 2025 一个自恋型社会如何制造了心理健康危机（反之亦然）Erica Komisar How a narcissistic society created the mental health crisis (and vice versa)

Image by Musi_Zhang via Flickr

「结果，当今的年轻人更容易产生自恋行为、依恋障碍，以及难以应对生活挑战。」

（文章为影片翻译）

家庭与人际关系是健康社会的基础。然而，过去几十年来，个人主义和自我导向的价值观逐渐削弱了家庭的重要性，导致许多负面影响，特别是对儿童心理健康的影响。这种价值观的转变，使得个人野心和物质成功经常被置于有意义的人际关系之上，导致新一代缺乏情感上的健康、承诺感和自我牺牲精神。

家庭价值观的变迁

七十年前，社会更注重人际关系、同理心和家庭生活。然而，1960年代的文化与政治运动虽然带来许多正面改变，也伴随一些未预见的后果。

例如，女性权利运动让女性拥有更多工作机会，这确实是一项进步。然而，它也导致双薪家庭的增加，许多父母将养育子女的责任交给托儿机构，而非亲自照顾。久而久之，母亲作为主要照顾者的角色被贬低，甚至出现了「孩子可以自己成长，不需要太多父母关爱」的错误观念。

同样地，个人主义的兴起鼓励人们寻求个人满足与独立。虽然自我实现具有积极的一面，但也削弱了传统的家庭结构。自由与个人幸福渐渐被认为比对家庭与社区的责任更为重要。

此外，1950年代以来，电视、广告和消费主义的崛起传播了一种错误的观念：幸福来自物质拥有，而非深厚的人际关系。这导致人们将事业成功与财务独立视为人生最重要的目标，而忽视了对亲人的照顾与陪伴。

心理健康的影响

这些社会变迁的长期影响，体现在当今日益严重的心理健康危机上。许多年轻人感到忧郁、焦虑，缺乏人生意义。他们不再将家庭与人际关系视为爱与支持的来源，反而认为这些是负担。许多人对婚姻与育儿迟疑不决，担心这会限制他们的自由与成功。

即使选择生儿育女，有些父母也更倾向于将养育责任交给他人，而非亲自照顾。他们认为育儿是一件令人沮丧、充满压力的事，而这种观念进一步削弱了年轻一代的抗压能力与情绪韧性。

不幸的是，这种价值观的转变正透过世代传承持续影响社会。许多父母将自己的需求置于孩子的情感需求之上，无意间培养了孩子的自私心态与情感脆弱性。结果，当今的年轻人更容易产生自恋行为、依恋障碍，以及难以应对生活挑战。

如何改善这场危机

尽管现状令人担忧，但仍然有希望。我们可以透过改变教养方式，重建家庭价值观，并强化社会的健康发展。以下是几个关键步骤：

优先考虑家庭而非工作——父母应该花更多时间陪伴孩子，而不只是关注事业与个人目标。孩子需要不受干扰的关爱与情感支持，才能健康成长。

以身作则，展现同理心与责任感——父母应该透过实际行动示范如何关爱他人，让孩子从小学习关怀与奉献精神。

重新定义成功——我们应该教导孩子，人生的成功不仅来自于事业与财务成就，更来自于有意义的人际关系与社区参与。

减少社群媒体影响——社群媒体经常推广表面化的价值观，因此应鼓励孩子建立真实的人际关系，学校与家长也应共同合作，教导道德行为与志愿服务的重要性。

支持家庭友善政策——政府应提供更完善的育婴假制度，并鼓励家庭亲自照顾幼儿，而非依赖机构托育。

强化跨世代的家庭关系——家庭应该负起照顾年长亲属的责任，而不是完全依赖机构。这样能帮助孩子学习照顾他人、培养自我牺牲精神。

奉献与连结的力量

研究显示，无论是透过时间投入、志愿服务或捐助，对他人的奉献能显著提升心理健康与幸福感。当父母以慈善与关怀作为榜样，孩子就能体会这些价值所带来的真正满足感。即使是简单的善举，例如捐款给有需要的人或参与社区服务，都能对孩子的成长产生深远影响。

我们的社会未来，取决于我们是否愿意将家庭与人际关系摆在自我利益与物质追求之上。如果我们继续现有的趋势，心理健康问题与家庭破裂现象将会持续恶化。然而，如果我们有意识地选择重建强大的家庭关系，教导孩子自我牺牲的价值，并促进真诚的人际连结，我们将能够打造一个更加健康与充满爱的社会。

总结

家庭与人际关系是社会繁荣的基石，但现代文化逐渐将个人主义与物质成功置于其上，导致心理健康问题加剧、家庭结构崩解，并使人们不愿意承担责任。然而，透过优先考虑家庭、以身作则、重新定义成功、支持家庭政策，我们可以逆转这一趋势。建立一个更加健康与富有爱心的社会，关键在于我们是否愿意培养深厚的情感联系，并教导下一代爱与牺牲的价值观。

原始影片YouTube: How a narcissistic society created the mental health crisis (and vice versa) | Erica Komisar

00:00 - 引言：家庭的重要性 Introduction: The Importance of Family

00:39 - 价值观转变及其影响 Shifting Values and Their Consequences

01:52 - 个人主义、消费主义与育儿方式的变化 Individualism, Consumerism, and Parenting Changes

03:18 - 心理健康危机与自我导向意识的崛起 Mental Health Crisis and the Rise of Self-Orientation

05:12 - 安全依恋在儿童成长中的作用 The Role of Secure Attachment in Child Development

07:28 - 育儿方式的代际影响 Generational Impact of Parenting Styles

10:12 - 打破恶性循环：恢复家庭观念与责任意识 Breaking the Cycle: Restoring Family and Responsibility

13:05 - 政策和文化变革如何支持家庭 Policy and Cultural Shifts to Support Families

15:14 - 给予与联结的力量 The Power of Giving and Connection

17:38 - 充满希望的未来：重新找回牺牲精神与关爱 A Hopeful Future: Reclaiming Sacrifice and Care

The Consequences of a Narcissistic Society: How Individualism and Consumerism Fuel the Mental Health Crisis

Modern Youth Struggle with Narcissism, Attachment Issues, and Coping with Life's Challenges

(This article is a translation of a video transcript.)

Family and interpersonal relationships are the foundation of a healthy society. However, over the past few decades, individualism and self-centered values have gradually weakened the importance of family, leading to many negative consequences, particularly in children’s mental health. This shift in values has placed personal ambition and material success above meaningful relationships, causing the younger generation to lack emotional well-being, commitment, and a sense of self-sacrifice.

The Shift in Family Values

Seventy years ago, society placed greater emphasis on relationships, empathy, and family life. However, the cultural and political movements of the 1960s, while bringing about many positive changes, also had unintended consequences.

For example, the women's rights movement created more opportunities for women in the workforce, which was undeniably a significant advancement. However, it also led to the rise of dual-income households, where many parents delegated child-rearing responsibilities to daycare centers rather than caring for their children personally. Over time, the role of mothers as primary caregivers was devalued, and the mistaken belief that "children can grow up independently without much parental attention" began to spread.

Similarly, the rise of individualism encouraged people to seek personal fulfillment and independence. While self-actualization has its benefits, it also eroded traditional family structures. Freedom and personal happiness increasingly took precedence over responsibilities to family and community.

Additionally, since the 1950s, the rise of television, advertising, and consumerism has promoted the false idea that happiness comes from material wealth rather than deep relationships. As a result, people prioritize career success and financial independence over caring for and spending time with loved ones.

Impact on Mental Health

The long-term effects of these social changes are evident in today’s growing mental health crisis. Many young people experience depression, anxiety, and a lack of purpose. They no longer see family and relationships as sources of love and support, but rather as burdens. Many are hesitant about marriage and parenthood, fearing that these commitments will restrict their freedom and success.

Even those who choose to have children often prefer to outsource parenting responsibilities rather than raising their children themselves. They view child-rearing as stressful and frustrating, which further weakens the next generation’s ability to handle stress and build emotional resilience.

Unfortunately, these value shifts are being passed down across generations, continuously shaping society. Many parents prioritize their own desires over their children's emotional needs, unintentionally fostering selfish attitudes and emotional fragility in their children.

As a result, today’s youth are more prone to narcissistic behavior, attachment disorders, and difficulties in coping with life’s challenges.

How to Address This Crisis

Despite the concerning reality, there is hope. We can reverse these negative trends by changing parenting approaches, rebuilding family values, and fostering a healthier society. Below are some key steps:

Prioritizing family over work – Parents should spend more time with their children, rather than focusing solely on careers and personal goals. Children need uninterrupted love and emotional support to develop healthily.
Leading by example in empathy and responsibility – Parents should demonstrate how to care for others through their actions, teaching children the importance of compassion and selflessness.
Redefining success – We should teach children that true success is not only about career achievements and financial wealth but also about meaningful relationships and community involvement.
Reducing the influence of social media – Since social media often promotes superficial values, children should be encouraged to build authentic relationships. Schools and parents should work together to teach the importance of morality and volunteerism.
Supporting family-friendly policies – Governments should provide better parental leave policies and encourage families to care for their own children rather than relying on institutional childcare.
Strengthening intergenerational family relationships – Families should take responsibility for caring for elderly relatives rather than relying entirely on institutions. This helps children learn to care for others and develop a sense of self-sacrifice.

The Power of Giving and Connection

Research shows that acts of giving—whether through time, volunteer work, or donations—significantly improve mental health and happiness. When parents model generosity and compassion, children can experience the true fulfillment that comes from these values. Even simple acts of kindness, such as donating to those in need or participating in community service, can have a profound impact on a child’s development.

The future of our society depends on whether we prioritize family and relationships over self-interest and material pursuits. If we continue on the current path, mental health issues and family breakdowns will only worsen.

However, if we actively choose to rebuild strong family bonds, teach children the value of self-sacrifice, and foster genuine human connections, we can create a healthier and more loving society.

Conclusion

Family and interpersonal relationships are the cornerstone of a thriving society. However, modern culture has increasingly placed individualism and material success above these values, leading to worsening mental health issues, the breakdown of family structures, and a reluctance to take responsibility.

By prioritizing family, leading by example, redefining success, and supporting family-friendly policies, we can reverse this trend.

The key to building a healthier and more compassionate society lies in fostering deep emotional connections and teaching future generations the value of love and sacrifice.

一名临床社会工作者、作家、精神分析师、心理咨询顾问，并且是一位拥有 30 余年私人执业经验的育儿指导专家，常驻纽约市 Erica Komisar is a clinical social worker, author, psychoanalyst, psychological consultant, and parent guidance expert, who has been in private practice in New York City for over 30 years.

In this speech, Erica Komisar explores how shifting values around family, individualism, and consumer culture have impacted parenting, making parents more self-centered. Unwilling to make the necessary sacrifices to provide their children with the care and attention they need, these parents end up raising children prone to narcissistic disorders, perpetuating a vicious cycle.

Erica believes that the solution lies in reasserting the value of parenting and personal sacrifice, offering practical advice on how we can begin to reverse the effects of this trend.

在本次演讲中，埃丽卡·科米萨尔探讨了家庭观念、个人主义及消费文化价值观的转变如何影响了育儿方式，使得父母变得更加以自我为中心。由于不愿意为孩子的成长做出必要的牺牲，这些父母无法给予孩子足够的关爱和关注，导致他们的子女更容易患上自恋型人格障碍，从而形成恶性循环。

埃丽卡认为，解决方案在于重新强调育儿和个人牺牲的价值，并在演讲中提供了实用建议，帮助我们扭转这一趋势的负面影响。

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Thursday, February 6, 2025

2012 Sep 任运生骄傲与谦卑 13个问题确定你是否骄傲Questions to Determine If You Are Proud，来对照一下吧！——路加福音信息之三十九生命季刊第63期– Check Yourself! Message from the Gospel of Luke – Part 39 Issue 63

Image by Musi_Zhang via Flickr

2012 Sep 任运生 - 骄傲与谦卑

13个问题确定你是否骄傲，来对照一下吧！

——路加福音信息之三十九

《生命季刊》第63期

路加福音十四章记载，在一个安息日，耶稣被邀请到一个法利赛人家里去吃饭。“耶稣见所请的客拣择首位，就用比喻对他们说，你被人请去赴婚姻的筵席，不要坐在首位上。恐怕有比你尊贵的客，被他请来。那请你们的人前来对你说，让座给这一位吧。你就羞羞惭惭地退到末位上去了。你被请的时候，就去坐在末位上，好叫那请你的人来，对你说，朋友，请上坐，那时你在同席的人面前，就有光彩了。因为凡自高的必降为卑，自卑的必升为高。

“耶稣又对请他的人说，你摆设午饭或晚饭，不要请你的朋友，弟兄，亲属，和富足的邻舍。恐怕他们也请你，你就得了报答。你摆设筵席，倒要请那贫穷的，残废的，瘸腿的，瞎眼的，你就有福了。因为他们没有什么可报答你。到义人复活的时候，你要得着报答。”（路加福音14:7-14）

主耶稣在这里采用宴席的比喻，先是对客人说一段话，引出“论骄傲”的主题；然后对主人也说一段话，引出“论谦卑”的主题。

一、骄傲

在耶稣时代，犹太人宴席的习惯，通常是将座位摆成一个U字型，餐桌在U字的中间较低的位置，最重要的客人要坐在U字型的顶点，然后依次向两边延伸，最后的末位是排在U字的两个端点。犹太人的社会，非常注重尊卑次序，宴席的座位是很有讲究的。尤其是法利赛人，他们非常看重坐席的座位，正如主耶稣所说，“他们一切所作的事，都是要叫人看见……（他们）喜爱筵席上的首座，会堂里的高位。”（马太福音23:5-6）

中国人的面子文化一点儿也不亚于犹太人，在官场、会议、宴席上，其座位都有严格的位次等级。在酒场、宴席上，你有时会看到关于座位的你推我让的谦虚和寒暄，那其实并不是真正的谦让，而是变换一种形式的假装和虚伪，其实他们每个人心里都很在乎自己的座位。

圣经箴言书说，“不要在王面前妄自尊大。不要在大人的位上站立。宁可有人说，请你上来，强如在你觐见的王子面前，叫你退下。”(箴言25:6-7）

人之所以看重自己宴席上的座位，源自于内心的骄傲。

1.骄傲的特征

有人这样形容骄傲：骄傲好像口臭，周围的人都知道，唯独自己不知道。

有人在继智商（IQ）、情商（EQ）、感商（GQ）等之后，引入傲商（PQ）的概念，来描述一个人的骄傲程度。

智商（IntelligentQuotient,IQ）：描述一个人的智力水平和应变能力；

情商（EmotionQuotient,EQ）：描述一个人的情感控制及交际能力；

感商（GratefulQuotient,GQ）：描述一个人的感恩之心和幸福参数；

傲商（PrideQuotient,PQ）：描述一个人的骄傲程度，即骄傲指数。

前三个商数越高越好；后一个商数越高越糟。

试回答以下问题，检查一下你自己的“傲商”PQ有多高：

1.我喜爱成为别人注目的焦点:

是□否□

2.我配得这样最佳的礼遇:

是□否□

3.我与人的对话充满“我”字:

是□否□

4.我从来不或者很少向人认错:

是□否□

5.我很少机会被人说服、纠正或改变:

是□否□

6.我的心理情感很容易受伤害:

是□否□

7.我对别人的差错不愿意忍耐:

是□否□

8.我帮助别人但对方没有谢意会不舒服:

是□否□

9.我很容易自卑自怜或怨天尤人:

是□否□

10.我总是爱沾别人的便宜:

是□否□

11.我的自我感觉一向良好:

是□否□

12.我的想法和意见总是对的:

是□否□

13.我对上述问题没有一个“是”的选择感到惬意:

是□否□

如果你对上述问题没有一个选择“是”，说明你在撒谎；如果你有至少一个是选择“是”，说明在你身上有骄傲的倾向。

2.骄傲的危害

六世纪后，骄傲被列为天主教的七宗罪之首。

撒但原是明亮之星、美丽天使，因着骄傲堕落成为邪恶的魔鬼。

“明亮之星，早晨之子啊，你何竟从天坠落？……你心里曾说，我要升到天上。我要高举我的宝座在神众星以上。我要坐在聚会的山上，在北方的极处，我要升到高云之上。我要与至上者同等。然而你必坠落阴间，到坑中极深之处。”（以赛亚书14:12-15）

罪和死进入人类，也是从骄傲开始。

“于是女人见那棵树的果子好作食物，也悦人的眼目，且是可喜爱的，能使人有智慧，就摘下果子来吃了。又给她丈夫，她丈夫也吃了。”（创世记3:6）

法老的骄横刚硬，给他自己、家人、国家带来一波比一波严厉的十样灾祸，直至埃及遍地的长子被杀。

“法老说，耶和华是谁，使我听他的话，容以色列人去呢？我不认识耶和华，也不容以色列人去。”（出埃及记5:2）

笔者曾经和一个大学生分享福音，他对我说，“我不相信宇宙间有一位神，如果真有一位神，那么我要取代他！这个世界我只崇拜两个人：一个是希特勒；第二个是我自己。”一个人狂妄和愚昧居然能到这样的地步，还真是罕见。

重庆事件的主角薄熙来，被认为是共产党内少有的有能力的高官，但他的张狂也少有人出其左右，所以落马就不足为怪了。有人说，他的盘算几乎就要成功，其手下的闯馆事件使事态急转直下，成为他的“滑铁卢”，真可谓是天意。

天意是什么？其实圣经早已确之凿凿地明说：“骄傲在败坏以先，狂心在跌倒之前。”（箴言16:18）

如果说上面所言与人们的现实生活没有太大关系的话，那么让我们看看骄傲在人们实际生活中的具体危害：

错失救恩机会：这个世界上有许多人认为，基督信仰只不过是“软弱者的拐杖、失意者的联盟”。他们认为自己是命运的主宰，他们不需要谁来拯救或帮助，于是他们在自己坚定的自信中沦丧了。因为——

“神阻挡骄傲的人，赐恩给谦卑的人。”（雅各书4:6）

人际关系障碍：骄傲者的自以为是，不肯认错，没有怜悯，缺乏忍耐，怨天尤人等等，常常是造成自身人际关系障碍的主要原因，给自己和他人带来不尽的痛苦和伤害。

“你见自以为有智慧的人吗？愚昧人比他更有指望。”（箴言26:12）

白吃苦头多走弯路：骄傲的人错误地认为，自己可以掌控一切，凡事自己可以处理，不知道信靠神，依赖神，不知道从神那里支取智慧和能力，于是白白地吃许多苦头，走很多弯路，效果又事倍功半。

圣经诗篇如此说“祂不喜悦马的力大，不喜爱人的腿快。耶和华喜爱敬畏祂和盼望祂慈爱的人。”（诗篇147:10-11）

一个父亲让他孩子去搬石头，小孩费了全部力气，石头还是一动不动。最后，父亲问他，“儿子，你用尽所有的办法了吗？”儿子说，“是。”父亲说，“不，你还没有，因为你还没有请我帮助。”

那么信靠神和自己努力是什么关系呢？是不是信靠神就可以什么事都不用做，抱头睡大觉呢?当然不是。信靠神是指凡事借着祷告交托仰望，顺服神的带领，然后尽上自己当作的本分，把结果交给神！

耶稣说，“凡自高的必降为卑，自卑的必升为高。”（路加福音14:11）

这是属灵的法则！

有一个故事，说到一只青蛙在冬天的时候想和它的飞鸟朋友们一起到南方去过冬。但路途太远，他总不能一步一步地跳到南方去。青蛙冥思苦想，终于想到一个好办法。它找来一根木棍，请两只鸟各用嘴噙住两头，它自己用嘴噙住中间，于是当飞鸟飞的时候，它就悬在空中随着小鸟往前飞。当他们飞过一块儿农田时，其中一个农夫对另一个说，“看！多奇妙的办法，谁想到这样的办法，它一定是个天才。”另一个农夫应声回答说，“一定是那群飞鸟中的一位。”青蛙听见，很不高兴人把这样的赞誉归给飞鸟，连忙大声喊道，“是我，是我，是我……”然后人们看见那只青蛙从空中掉落在田地里。

“凡自高的必降为卑，自卑的必升为高。”（路加福音14:11；18：14；1:52；太23:12）

“在后的将要在前，在前的将要在后了。”（马太福音20:16）

我们在世界所处的位置，不取决于我们的座位或头衔，而取决于我们与神的关系：即我到底是否是神的孩子。

二、谦卑

什么是谦卑？谦卑的人，以神的眼光看自己；以神的心意待别人！

1.以神的眼光看待自己

在神的眼光中我到底是一个什么样的人？

陶恕牧师有一段很精彩的话：

A. W. Tozer, “A humble man is not a humanmouse afflicted with a sense of his own inferiority. He has accepted God’sestimate of his own life. He knows he is weak and helpless as God declared himto be, but paradoxically, he knows at the same time he is in the sight of Godof more importance than the angels. In himself, nothing; in God, everything.”

“一个谦卑的人不是像一个过街的老鼠，备受自卑感的折磨。他已经接受神对自己生命的评估。他知道自己的软弱和无助，正如神所宣称的那样；但奇妙的是，他同时也知道，在神的眼里他比天使更为重要。在己，他一无是处；在神，他应有尽有！”

谦卑不是自卑。自卑是一种自我形象低落、自我挫败、对自身价值严重贬抑的人格缺陷，严重影响个人潜能的发挥，丧失了人按神的形象被创造的荣耀和尊贵。自卑和骄傲是一体两面，其本质都是自我中心。

主耶稣非常谦卑，但祂从来不自卑。一方面是，“压伤的芦苇，祂不折断；将残的灯火，祂不吹灭。”（以赛亚书42:3），另一方面是，“他不灰心，也不丧胆。”（以赛亚书42:4）

谦卑也不是伪善，伪善的人可以帮助贫穷人，但他心里却看不起贫穷人，他的所谓帮助贫穷人使他对自己的骄傲感觉更好，并赚取更大的虚荣。

圣经对人的评价是什么？我是无助无望的罪人，只配地狱的刑罚和永远的沉沦；却因信神的儿子耶稣成为至高神的儿女，并有荣耀尊贵为冠冕。

因此，“我”个人作为信徒，成为一个平衡在这两极中间的实际。

“我”的本来光景是这样：

“世人都犯了罪，亏缺了神的荣耀。”（罗马书3:23）

“按着定命，人人都有一死，死后且有审判。”（希伯来书9:27）

“我真是苦阿，谁能救我脱离这取死的身体呢？”（罗马书7:24）

然而，“我”却因信成了神的儿女。

“凡接待祂的，就是信祂名的人，祂就赐他们权柄，作神的儿女。”（约翰福音1:12）

“你们所受的不是奴仆的心，仍旧害怕。所受的乃是儿子的心，因此我们呼叫阿爸，父。”（罗马书8:15）

“谁能使我们与基督的爱隔绝呢？我深信无论是死，是生，是天使，是掌权的，是有能的，是现在的事，是将来的事，是高处的，是低处的，是别的受造之物，都不能叫我们与神的爱隔绝。这爱是在我们的主基督耶稣里的。”（罗马书8:35；38-39）

我是个败坏的罪人，但蒙受了神的恩典。正如使徒保罗所说，“在罪人中我是个罪魁，然而我蒙了怜悯。”（提摩太前书1:15-16）

我能做什么呢？同样是两极中间的平衡。

“我是葡萄树，你们是枝子。常在我里面的，我也常在他里面，这人就多结果子。因为离了我，你们就不能作什么。”（约翰福音15:5）

“我靠着那加给我力量的，凡事都能作。”（腓利比书4:13）

我离了主耶稣，什么也不能做；但我靠着主耶稣，就凡事都能做。

这里所说的凡事都能做，是指在主在对我的旨意里要我做的事，并非是我今天想移山就移山，明天想填海就填海。这一点需要清楚明白。

这是一个很奇妙的实际，这也就是常说的圣经中的Paradox——似非而是。

2.以圣经教导对待别人

“耶稣又对请祂的人说，你摆设午饭或晚饭，不要请你的朋友，弟兄，亲属，和富足的邻舍。恐怕他们也请你，你就得了报答。你摆设筵席，倒要请那贫穷的，残废的，瘸腿的，瞎眼的，你就有福了。”（路加福音14:12-13）

耶稣在这里列出四组人的对比：

你的朋友，弟兄，亲属，和富足的邻舍；

贫穷的，残废的，瘸腿的，瞎眼的。

中国人讲究礼尚往来，我请了你，下一次你要请我；我给了你方便，下一次你要给我方便。但耶稣说，你请人吃饭，要请那些贫穷的，残废的，瘸腿的，瞎眼的，他们不能报答你，但你因此就有福了，因为神要报答你。

马太福音第六章大段的经文都在讲这样的事情。

“不可将善事行在人的面前，故意叫他们看见。你施舍的事行在暗中，你父在暗中察看，必然报答你。”（马太福音6:1-4）

“你们祷告的时候，不可像那假冒为善的人，爱站在会堂里和十字路口上祷告，故意叫人看见。我实在告诉你们，他们已经得了他们的赏赐。你祷告的时候，要进你的内屋，关上门，祷告你在暗中的父，你父在暗中察看，必然报答你。”（马太福音6:5-6）

“你禁食的时候，要梳头洗脸，不叫人看出你禁食来，只叫你暗中的父看见。你父在暗中察看，必然报答你。”（马太福音6:17-18）

人要在“他们已经得了他们的赏赐”和“你父在暗中查看必然报答你”中间选择一个，因为人不能同时得两次赏赐。

谦卑人的处事原则，可以用JOY(喜乐)来表述：

J (Jesus，耶稣)；

O (Others，他人)；

Y (Yourself，自己)。

“只要存心谦卑，各人看别人比自己强。各人不要单顾自己的事，也要顾别人的事。”（腓利比书2:3-4）

悖论（Paradox）：

“你们里头为大的，倒要像年幼的。为首领的，倒要像服事人的。”（路加福音22：26）

“你们中间，谁愿为大，就必作你们的用人。在你们中间，谁愿为首，就必作众人的仆人。”（马可福音10:43-44）

世人的原则：The way up is up. 想要为大，就要上爬；挤兑、踩踏、高攀、争斗、权谋等；

圣经的原则：The way up is down. 想要为大，就要为小。服事、照顾、帮助、给予、爱人等。

主耶稣基督是谦卑的典范。

“我心里柔和谦卑，你们当负我的轭，学我的样式。”（马太福音11:29）

看主耶稣在生命的最后时光所做的事情：

为门徒洗脚；在客西马尼园被捕时保护门徒；医好那被彼得削掉耳朵的大祭司仆人；最后为世人的罪被钉在十字架上。全是为着别人，没有一点为祂自己。

“你们当以基督耶稣的心为心。祂本有神的形象，不以自己与神同等为强夺的。反倒虚己，取了奴仆的形象，成为人的样式。既有人的样子，就自己卑微，存心顺服，以至于死，且死在十字架上。所以神将祂升为至高，又赐给祂那超乎万名之上的名。”（腓利比书2:5-9）

所以，主耶稣自己降卑、降卑、再降卑，神使祂升高、升高、再升高，直至升为至高，并赐祂超乎万名之上的名。

“凡自高的必降为卑，自卑的必升为高。”这是永恒的属灵定律。

1941年5月28日，天主教神父麦希廉库柏（Maximilian Kolbe）因为保护犹太人被送进奥斯维辛集中营。有一天，库伯所在监室有人逃跑，所有的男人站在酷热的太阳下罚站一天，没有食物也没有水。到晚上，逃跑的人还没有找到，于是集中营指挥官命令挑选十人关入禁闭室饿死。当一名叫弗朗西斯克•加容尼策克的囚犯被挑中时，他向军官苦苦哀求，“我还有妻子和孩子！”库柏神父听到后主动要求替其赴死。从此禁闭室里常传出歌声和祷告声。两周后，库柏神父是唯一的幸存者，被集中营军官注射毒剂从容赴死。加容尼策克和他妻子后来幸存下来，他常赴各地见证，自己是库柏神父用他的生命换回来的。

约翰•卫斯理（John Wesley）和乔治•怀菲特（George Whitfield）都是十八世纪英国伟大的布道家，但他们两个关于救恩的神学观点却大相径庭。乔治•怀菲特接受加尔文的观点，认为人的得救是神定意的拣选；约翰•卫斯理接受阿米念的观点，认为人的得救在于人选择接受耶稣。两人的观点明显不同，而且成为公开化。有一次，一个记者问乔治怀•菲特，“你期望有一天在天堂会看见约翰•卫斯理吗？”怀菲特回答，“不！我在天堂将不会看到约翰•卫斯理。”记者兴奋地记下来，以便煽风点火，期望着带来新一轮辩论的高潮。没想到怀菲特接着说，“我不会在天堂看见约翰•卫斯理，因为他是神忠心的仆人，他将会非常靠近神荣耀的宝座，而我距离神的宝座是那样遥远，所以我看不见他。”

怀菲特这才叫真正的谦卑。后来，怀菲特在美国去世，在英国为怀菲特举行的葬礼上，讲道的正是约翰•卫斯理。

让我们以如下圣经的话语作为本文的结语：

“凡自高的必降为卑，自卑的必升为高。”

“因为高举非从东，非从西，也非从南而来。唯有神断定。祂使这人降卑，使那人升高。”（诗篇75:6-7）

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3a7Gkrj4fV4

Pride and Humility

September 2012
13 Questions to Determine If You Are Proud – Check Yourself!
Message from the Gospel of Luke – Part 39
Issue 63

The Gospel of Luke, chapter 14, records that on a Sabbath, Jesus was invited to dine at the house of a Pharisee.

*"When Jesus noticed how the guests picked the places of honor at the table, he told them this parable: 'When someone invites you to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for a person more distinguished than you may have been invited. If so, the host who invited both of you will come and say to you, "Give this person your seat." Then, humiliated, you will have to take the least important place. But when you are invited, take the lowest place, so that when your host comes, he will say to you, "Friend, move up to a better place." Then you will be honored in the presence of all the other guests. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.'

Then Jesus said to his host, 'When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or sisters, your relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back, and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.'" (Luke 14:7-14)

Jesus used the metaphor of a banquet to first speak to the guests, introducing the theme of pride, and then to the host, introducing the theme of humility.

I. Pride

In Jesus' time, the Jewish seating arrangement at banquets typically followed a U-shaped layout, with the table set in the lower middle of the U. The most important guests sat at the top of the U, with seats decreasing in prominence as they extended outward. Jewish society placed great importance on social hierarchy, and seating at a banquet was a matter of significant consideration. The Pharisees especially valued prominent seats, as Jesus pointed out:

"Everything they do is done for people to see… they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues." (Matthew 23:5-6)

Similarly, in Chinese culture, social status and "face" (reputation) are just as crucial as in Jewish society. In politics, meetings, and banquets, seating arrangements strictly follow hierarchical rules. The so-called humility and polite refusals to take a seat of honor often mask an underlying concern for social ranking.

Proverbs warns against such pride:

"Do not exalt yourself in the king’s presence, and do not claim a place among his great men; it is better for him to say to you, "Come up here," than for him to humiliate you before his nobles." (Proverbs 25:6-7)

The desire to secure a prestigious seat stems from an internal sense of pride.

1. Characteristics of Pride

Someone once described pride as bad breath—everyone around you can smell it, except yourself.

Modern psychology categorizes different aspects of intelligence, including:

IQ (Intelligence Quotient): Measures intellectual ability and problem-solving skills.
EQ (Emotional Quotient): Measures emotional regulation and social skills.
GQ (Gratitude Quotient): Measures one's sense of gratitude and happiness.
PQ (Pride Quotient): Measures the level of one's pride—unlike the previous three, the higher PQ is, the worse it is.

To assess your own PQ (Pride Quotient), answer the following questions:

I enjoy being the center of attention. (Yes □ No □)
I deserve the best treatment. (Yes □ No □)
I frequently use the word "I" in conversations. (Yes □ No □)
I rarely or never admit my mistakes. (Yes □ No □)
I seldom allow others to correct me. (Yes □ No □)
I am easily emotionally hurt. (Yes □ No □)
I am intolerant of others' mistakes. (Yes □ No □)
I feel uncomfortable if I help others and they don’t express gratitude. (Yes □ No □)
I often feel self-pity or blame others for my misfortunes. (Yes □ No □)
I tend to take advantage of others. (Yes □ No □)
I always have a good opinion of myself. (Yes □ No □)
I believe my opinions are always correct. (Yes □ No □)
I feel pleased that I answered "No" to all the above questions. (Yes □ No □)

If you answered "No" to all the questions, you are lying. If you answered "Yes" to at least one question, you have some level of pride.

2. The Dangers of Pride

Since the 6th century, pride has been listed as the first of the Seven Deadly Sins.

Lucifer, originally a beautiful and bright angel, fell from grace due to his pride, becoming Satan:

"How you have fallen from heaven, morning star, son of the dawn! You have been cast down to the earth... You said in your heart, "I will ascend to the heavens; I will raise my throne above the stars of God... I will make myself like the Most High." But you are brought down to the realm of the dead, to the depths of the pit." (Isaiah 14:12-15)

The fall of mankind also originated from pride:

"When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it." (Genesis 3:6)

The Bible repeatedly warns:

"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall." (Proverbs 16:18)

II. Humility

1. Seeing Yourself Through God's Eyes

A.W. Tozer wrote:
"A humble man is not a human mouse afflicted with a sense of inferiority. He has accepted God's estimate of his life. He knows he is weak and helpless as God declared him to be, but paradoxically, he knows at the same time that in God's sight, he is of more importance than the angels. In himself, nothing; in God, everything."

Humility is not self-deprecation or low self-esteem. True humility is seeing oneself as God sees you—acknowledging personal weakness but also embracing the dignity of being God's child.

2. Treating Others According to Biblical Teachings

Jesus taught:

"When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or sisters, your relatives, or your rich neighbors... But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind, and you will be blessed." (Luke 14:12-13)

Jesus' teachings contrast human nature's desire for reciprocity with God's call for selfless giving.

A truly humble person follows the JOY principle: